Discipline

I never grew up participating in lent and to this day it still doesn't quite strike a chord with me... I think it is because I can't wrap my head around giving something up to bring myself closer to God only to allow that thing back into my life once the lent season is over. I guess I am kind of a radical when it comes to these kinds of things... I'm about all or nothing I guess you could say... however... I believe in change for the better and discipline. I absolutely understand the symbolism and the wonderful meaning behind lent and do not condemn those who seriously practice it. I really do admire those who are serious about the things they give up for lent/evaluate about themselves and I even more so admire those who actually carry it out afterwards. With that, if lent is something that brings you closer to God then I say that is wonderful... we all should be doing something to bring us closer to God... and guess what... you don't even have to participate in lent to do it!

I have been thinking lately, even though I don't participate in lent, what on earth am I doing on a daily basis to better equip myself as a follower of Christ? If I so strongly believe in discipline and being closer to God, then I need to have something to show for it. So here goes a story with a bunch of conclusions...

With all the wedding planning, full-time job, absent fiancé... things have been rough for me. If you don't know me very well, I don't handle stress really at all. I freak out, clam up, get angry, break down, cry, become irrational... I think you get the picture. As I was having one of these moments I just broke down and I cried asking God to just take it from me and help me deal. As the prideful person that I can be that was hard for me to do. For some odd crazy reason I like to wallow in my self pity and hurt (sounds awesome right), become a lazy recluse and deal on my own. So after this last meltdown I finally realized (good grief) that it was time to really let go (because the last time I said I was letting go I held on so tightly to that little jagged piece as it was falling away). I came to the conclusion (as though the last few sentences weren't conclusions) that the reason(s) I really stress and freak out is because I am not in the word everyday like I should be and I don't ask God for help. Simple as that. I need to stop making things harder than they need to be.

So I am vowing first to start asking God more for help/trusting His plan, secondly to give up the stress that the enemy has enticed me with and thirdly read through the entire bible in 90-ish days. I will try my very hardest to read during the wedding week and honeymoon haha! Then after that I will re-evaluate where I am and surely find that I still need a lot of work and will continue to pursue being more Christ-like. Because ultimately that is always my goal.

Here is to every day being a form of the "lent season" and always seeking to be better than we can be on our own.

God Bless!